So, I like to write. I enjoy it more than most things out there. I mean, that is what I studied in school. I've been playing around with different ideas since college but not a one has made it very far yet. I get started on something and feel really good about it but then life throws a curve ball and I never get very far. It has always bugged me, this lack of finality on any idea I have, but I never dwelt on it because I still haven't found a way to get paid for just being me. I don;t usually have a ton of time to devote to writing. It is usually five minutes here and there every now and more often then.
Being the fantastic wife that she is, Christen bought me a desk, a chair, and a lamp for our one year anniversary to put in our second bedroom so I can have a writing station. It was so unexpected but a wonderful gift. So now I have no excuse. I actually have to get to work. I am so excited. All I have to do is put it together.
Hopefully I can get it up in the net few days and get to some furious typing or scribbling depending on my mood. So thank you to my amazingly caring wife who got me the perfect gift.
Bring it on Stephen King!!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I'm Embarrassed to Share This
So I'm driving in to work on Monday and listening to the KNBR morning show as I always do. Now, the Sunday previous, the Giants defeated the Padres 3-0 clinching the National League West Division and getting to the playoofs for the first time since 2003 or something forever ago like that. I don't have "good" cable. I get the basic channels and TBS. Not much to brag about. So whenever the Giants played I had to watch on this little animationon Gameday. It is painfully slow with no sound. This was how I knew that the Giants won. I silently cheered for them (Christen was taking a nap) and went on with my day happy that my team had finally made it back into the postseason.
Back to Monday. I'm driving in to work and the morning show is playing back spliced sound clips from the game. I get to hear the announcers shouting with joy as the Giants are winning. I hear the crowd cheering. Then they play Wilson striking out someone to win, the crowd going wild and different clips from the players saying how excited they are. It was awesome.
So here I am. Driving in my car. About five minutes away from work, and I start to get teary eyed. My lip starts doing the quiver thing and I am almost crying listening to the recap of the Giants winning. I am such a baby!
I couldn't believe it. I had to try to compose myself before I parked so people wouldn't get all confused. "Why is Mr. Danielson crying?" "I don't know. He was always weird."
But needless to say. I am embarrassed at the ability of my tearducts to perform like that but I am so STOKED for game one tonight! Lets go GIANTS! Don't make me cry with sadness this time!
Back to Monday. I'm driving in to work and the morning show is playing back spliced sound clips from the game. I get to hear the announcers shouting with joy as the Giants are winning. I hear the crowd cheering. Then they play Wilson striking out someone to win, the crowd going wild and different clips from the players saying how excited they are. It was awesome.
So here I am. Driving in my car. About five minutes away from work, and I start to get teary eyed. My lip starts doing the quiver thing and I am almost crying listening to the recap of the Giants winning. I am such a baby!
I couldn't believe it. I had to try to compose myself before I parked so people wouldn't get all confused. "Why is Mr. Danielson crying?" "I don't know. He was always weird."
But needless to say. I am embarrassed at the ability of my tearducts to perform like that but I am so STOKED for game one tonight! Lets go GIANTS! Don't make me cry with sadness this time!
Monday, July 26, 2010
My favorite things
I have recently rediscovered one of my favorite past times: watching television. No it isn't because it is Summer. And no it isn't my extreme couch potatoosity. And it isn't even for the daring new and extremely original Summer lineups that the networks are throwing at us (how many times can we re watch the entire season of Community on Thursday nights?)
It is for the once-thought-of-as-only-watchable-during-the-Super-Bowl commercials. I love commercials. And not only the stupidly expensive Super Bowl ones that get shown for a while either. Everyday, run-of-the-mill commercials. But wait dear citizens. I am not even talking about sales or rollbacks or new items. I am talking about drug commercials. These are the best. Half of the time I don't even know what the drug does but I am hooked until the bitter end.
There is one simple reason why this newly found love of mine have nuzzled itself into the fleshy parts of my heart. SIDE EFFECTS!!! Anybody ever pay attention to this? I cannot believe the things that people will ignore to have clean toenails or whatever else. Listen to the side effects that they list for about half the run time of the commercial and ask yourself: Is it worth it?
I mention the toe nail thing because it is pretty good. So people have toenail fungus. Yuck right? Well put on a sock. Or you could take this pill that they advertise on tv. It will clear up that toenail fungus right up. However, your hair might fall out. You might get dizzy. Sometimes it gives you fevers that require medical attention. You could just suffer from blood clots which are no big deal right? But hey. Your toenails will look fantastic.
I am not making this up. Some of these drugs have side effects like nausea, shortness of breath, cramps, DEATH!!! Not even kidding. My favorites are the ones that cause both diarrhea and constipation. I don't even want to know what that could be like. Does it switch back and forth quickly. Or are you plugged for a day only to have the flood gates unleashed the next? How could this be a good thing?
I don't see how these things can legally be sold. "Dr. Lamp how did the patients react to the drug?
"Well doctor Post one died, two suffered from severe vertigo, one lost his vision temporarily, and three are still on the toilet."
"Yes but did the soreness in their pinky toe go away?"
"Yes Doctor. In all cases. Well we're not sure how well it worked on the guy who died but we're pretty sure he isn't feeling any pain any more."
"Then put those pills in a tube with cotton and sell them at Rite Aid."
NO! Go back to the drawing board and try again! Or at least give me a website where I can print out the side effects and read them to myself whenever I want a good laugh. You have to pay attention next time one of these commercials comes on. You will not regret it.
Also keep an eye out for the drug commercials that don't even tell you what the drug does.They will have this couple walking through a field filled with flowers or running on the beach with the waves hitting their feet. That is all they show and then at the end a voice comes on and say, "Ask your doctor if Florifidine is right for you." End of commercial. What does it do? Does it help you mentally find fields with a loved one? Or does it telepathically allow you to pull the tide in when your feet get too sandy? I may need one of these drugs but I am too afraid to ask my doctor.
"Hey Doc. Is Chloriplastifartis right for me?"
"Well that depends Mike. Are you a fifty year old woman who wants to have children by taking a pill that supercharges her uterus?"
"Uh. No"
"Then it is not right for you."
"But I wanted to take naps on clouds like the commercial showed."
"Get out."
I could see that happening. And I am not sad at all. I love these commercials. I will watch crappy tv in hopes that one of these commercials comes on. They need their own on-demand channel so I can watch them when I want to and how I want to. And you should too. But make sure you ask your doctor if it is right for you first. And ignore any side effects. Odds are it will happen to the other three-fifths of the people who take it.
Peace! I'm out.
It is for the once-thought-of-as-only-watchable-during-the-Super-Bowl commercials. I love commercials. And not only the stupidly expensive Super Bowl ones that get shown for a while either. Everyday, run-of-the-mill commercials. But wait dear citizens. I am not even talking about sales or rollbacks or new items. I am talking about drug commercials. These are the best. Half of the time I don't even know what the drug does but I am hooked until the bitter end.
There is one simple reason why this newly found love of mine have nuzzled itself into the fleshy parts of my heart. SIDE EFFECTS!!! Anybody ever pay attention to this? I cannot believe the things that people will ignore to have clean toenails or whatever else. Listen to the side effects that they list for about half the run time of the commercial and ask yourself: Is it worth it?
I mention the toe nail thing because it is pretty good. So people have toenail fungus. Yuck right? Well put on a sock. Or you could take this pill that they advertise on tv. It will clear up that toenail fungus right up. However, your hair might fall out. You might get dizzy. Sometimes it gives you fevers that require medical attention. You could just suffer from blood clots which are no big deal right? But hey. Your toenails will look fantastic.
I am not making this up. Some of these drugs have side effects like nausea, shortness of breath, cramps, DEATH!!! Not even kidding. My favorites are the ones that cause both diarrhea and constipation. I don't even want to know what that could be like. Does it switch back and forth quickly. Or are you plugged for a day only to have the flood gates unleashed the next? How could this be a good thing?
I don't see how these things can legally be sold. "Dr. Lamp how did the patients react to the drug?
"Well doctor Post one died, two suffered from severe vertigo, one lost his vision temporarily, and three are still on the toilet."
"Yes but did the soreness in their pinky toe go away?"
"Yes Doctor. In all cases. Well we're not sure how well it worked on the guy who died but we're pretty sure he isn't feeling any pain any more."
"Then put those pills in a tube with cotton and sell them at Rite Aid."
NO! Go back to the drawing board and try again! Or at least give me a website where I can print out the side effects and read them to myself whenever I want a good laugh. You have to pay attention next time one of these commercials comes on. You will not regret it.
Also keep an eye out for the drug commercials that don't even tell you what the drug does.They will have this couple walking through a field filled with flowers or running on the beach with the waves hitting their feet. That is all they show and then at the end a voice comes on and say, "Ask your doctor if Florifidine is right for you." End of commercial. What does it do? Does it help you mentally find fields with a loved one? Or does it telepathically allow you to pull the tide in when your feet get too sandy? I may need one of these drugs but I am too afraid to ask my doctor.
"Hey Doc. Is Chloriplastifartis right for me?"
"Well that depends Mike. Are you a fifty year old woman who wants to have children by taking a pill that supercharges her uterus?"
"Uh. No"
"Then it is not right for you."
"But I wanted to take naps on clouds like the commercial showed."
"Get out."
I could see that happening. And I am not sad at all. I love these commercials. I will watch crappy tv in hopes that one of these commercials comes on. They need their own on-demand channel so I can watch them when I want to and how I want to. And you should too. But make sure you ask your doctor if it is right for you first. And ignore any side effects. Odds are it will happen to the other three-fifths of the people who take it.
Peace! I'm out.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wow it has been a while
So I am terrible at this blog stuff. This just my journal in electronic form. Start off strong and then fade away. But I am back with a vengence.
Why not jump back in the game with a rant? This has been on my mind for a while and the only way to get it out is to blog about it where you don't have a choice but to let me type it. You don't have to read it but dang it I am going to type it.
So I have to vent about something that I hate. It bugs me more than most things on this planet. I cringe every time I see it and I am half tempted to destroy it on said sighting. You know it and I know it. The evil, murderous, vile, wicked, no good, dirty, rotten stinking nonesense that is automatic sinks and automatic paper towel dispensers.
I hate these dang things. They are so annoying. I hate having to wave my hands up and down a sink to get the water to come on. It never works the way it should. And then when it decides that you should be done washing your hands it shuts off. It is even harder to get it going again than the first time. This whole thing has to end. I even saw an automatic soap dispenser once. I want to decide how much soap I use. Not some cocky little box screwed into a wall. It drives me nuts.
And the paper towel dispenser. I hate it with the fire and anger of a thousand evil frogs. I can't dry my hands with ONE paper towel. There is no way. And then I have to sit around and wait for it to reload. Again and again. And again. It is so frustrating. It takes a quick event on my life, an inconvenience really, because using the terlet never comes at a time when you want it to, and draws it out into this epic battle between me and the green hippies.
Now I'm not saying that we should waste and use up the planet. Heavens no. But the stupid hippies got it wrong. These sinks actually waste water. Do they shut off automatically when you are done washing your hands? No they keep on pumping for their alloted time whether or not you are sanitizing. Sometimes I am even halfway into my battle with the paper towels before the water shuts off. How is that helping? How is that conservation? It is more of a waste than me being in control of turning on the water when I begin and turning off the water when I am done. Arg.
One of my favorite moments in movie history is in the movie Garden State. Zach Braff is in a restroom and it has the automatic sinks. He walks out of the bathroom and passes the row of sinks on his way out and as he passes by each one turns on and dumps water for a while. Classic! Take that sinks who think they are better than me. You have just been made fun of...well not just because Garden State came out forever ago, but I just called you out. (If you haven't seen that movie you should. It'll change your life forever).
Now on a lighter side of a similar issue I am 100% for automatic toilet flushers because who wants to put your hands that close to other people's pee pee and ca ca. Cause you know people miss all the time.
So I am asking you to join me in the destruction of all automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers. And tear down the dumb soap dispensers before they can get a foot in the door.
Who's with me!!!???
Why not jump back in the game with a rant? This has been on my mind for a while and the only way to get it out is to blog about it where you don't have a choice but to let me type it. You don't have to read it but dang it I am going to type it.
So I have to vent about something that I hate. It bugs me more than most things on this planet. I cringe every time I see it and I am half tempted to destroy it on said sighting. You know it and I know it. The evil, murderous, vile, wicked, no good, dirty, rotten stinking nonesense that is automatic sinks and automatic paper towel dispensers.
I hate these dang things. They are so annoying. I hate having to wave my hands up and down a sink to get the water to come on. It never works the way it should. And then when it decides that you should be done washing your hands it shuts off. It is even harder to get it going again than the first time. This whole thing has to end. I even saw an automatic soap dispenser once. I want to decide how much soap I use. Not some cocky little box screwed into a wall. It drives me nuts.
And the paper towel dispenser. I hate it with the fire and anger of a thousand evil frogs. I can't dry my hands with ONE paper towel. There is no way. And then I have to sit around and wait for it to reload. Again and again. And again. It is so frustrating. It takes a quick event on my life, an inconvenience really, because using the terlet never comes at a time when you want it to, and draws it out into this epic battle between me and the green hippies.
Now I'm not saying that we should waste and use up the planet. Heavens no. But the stupid hippies got it wrong. These sinks actually waste water. Do they shut off automatically when you are done washing your hands? No they keep on pumping for their alloted time whether or not you are sanitizing. Sometimes I am even halfway into my battle with the paper towels before the water shuts off. How is that helping? How is that conservation? It is more of a waste than me being in control of turning on the water when I begin and turning off the water when I am done. Arg.
One of my favorite moments in movie history is in the movie Garden State. Zach Braff is in a restroom and it has the automatic sinks. He walks out of the bathroom and passes the row of sinks on his way out and as he passes by each one turns on and dumps water for a while. Classic! Take that sinks who think they are better than me. You have just been made fun of...well not just because Garden State came out forever ago, but I just called you out. (If you haven't seen that movie you should. It'll change your life forever).
Now on a lighter side of a similar issue I am 100% for automatic toilet flushers because who wants to put your hands that close to other people's pee pee and ca ca. Cause you know people miss all the time.
So I am asking you to join me in the destruction of all automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers. And tear down the dumb soap dispensers before they can get a foot in the door.
Who's with me!!!???
Sunday, June 6, 2010
You've Got to Read This Book
I just finished reading one of my new favorite books. It is called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. it is by Seth Grahame-Smith. He is the same guy who write Pride And Prejudice And Zombies which is also fantastic. So Smith has obviously found his niche. He is able to take beloved stories and beloved figures in history and totally warp them into something not only wildly entertaining, but something outlandishly hysterical (were it not for him, I don't think I would have ever read a Jane Austin book ever).
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is an abridgment of our sixteenth president's lost secret journal. It tells of how Abraham Lincoln's father loaned some money from a vampire (vampires came to America to escape persecution in Europe) and when he couldn't pay the money back, the vampire claimed the life of Lincoln's mother as payment. From that day on, Lincoln swore to kill every vampire in America.
What follows is the tale of his training and early hunts. We find the "true" reason behind the Civil War and why John Wilkes Booth really killed the president. It is almost far fetched enough to make you believe that it could possibly be true. Add in some fun photoshopped pictures and you have your new history. It was entertaining from start to finish. It was an easy read and just plain fun. You won't get any deeper meanings or profound symbolism, but you will get plenty of smiles and some good conversations with anyone you need to "teach the truth."
What really makes the book work is how truly "accurate" it is. I know that sounds a little bizarre to say about a book claiming that old Honest Abe spent the best years of his life carrying an axe to slay vampires but it is the truth. Every aspect of the novel is taken from the truth and then simply twisted for our enjoyment. You could take an actual Lincoln biography and make a checklist. It is like the easiest of recipes. Just add vampires.
I've read what others have thought about it and many people were upset with the ending. I saw a lot of "I loved it until the end" or "The ending totally ruined it for me." I don't know what these people are talking about. If you buy into the whole concept then the ending is perfect. Don't listen to stupid people. And if anyone out there thinks that this is bad because it tarnishes the history of one of our greatest presidents, then you are stupid and can't recognize a joke even after reading one for 300+ pages. You're just as dumb as the people who said that Pride And Prejudice And Zombies wasn't as good as the original. Are you kidding me? Both books are fantastic!
Now, as a disclaimer, there is a really stupid commercial or something to advertise the book. It is terribly made and with the worst acting ever seen since your cousin's high school reenactment of Grease. Don't judge the book by the crappy commercial. However, if you enjoy the book you can eagerly await (as I am) the movie due to come out in a year or so.
Definitely check this book out. I bought mine at Target and they always have their books on sale. Buy it. Read it. Love it.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is an abridgment of our sixteenth president's lost secret journal. It tells of how Abraham Lincoln's father loaned some money from a vampire (vampires came to America to escape persecution in Europe) and when he couldn't pay the money back, the vampire claimed the life of Lincoln's mother as payment. From that day on, Lincoln swore to kill every vampire in America.
What follows is the tale of his training and early hunts. We find the "true" reason behind the Civil War and why John Wilkes Booth really killed the president. It is almost far fetched enough to make you believe that it could possibly be true. Add in some fun photoshopped pictures and you have your new history. It was entertaining from start to finish. It was an easy read and just plain fun. You won't get any deeper meanings or profound symbolism, but you will get plenty of smiles and some good conversations with anyone you need to "teach the truth."
What really makes the book work is how truly "accurate" it is. I know that sounds a little bizarre to say about a book claiming that old Honest Abe spent the best years of his life carrying an axe to slay vampires but it is the truth. Every aspect of the novel is taken from the truth and then simply twisted for our enjoyment. You could take an actual Lincoln biography and make a checklist. It is like the easiest of recipes. Just add vampires.
I've read what others have thought about it and many people were upset with the ending. I saw a lot of "I loved it until the end" or "The ending totally ruined it for me." I don't know what these people are talking about. If you buy into the whole concept then the ending is perfect. Don't listen to stupid people. And if anyone out there thinks that this is bad because it tarnishes the history of one of our greatest presidents, then you are stupid and can't recognize a joke even after reading one for 300+ pages. You're just as dumb as the people who said that Pride And Prejudice And Zombies wasn't as good as the original. Are you kidding me? Both books are fantastic!
Now, as a disclaimer, there is a really stupid commercial or something to advertise the book. It is terribly made and with the worst acting ever seen since your cousin's high school reenactment of Grease. Don't judge the book by the crappy commercial. However, if you enjoy the book you can eagerly await (as I am) the movie due to come out in a year or so.
Definitely check this book out. I bought mine at Target and they always have their books on sale. Buy it. Read it. Love it.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Best Part About Stupid Movies
I'm always so happy when stupid looking movies come out. In fact, I look forward to their releases more than I do the movies I actually want to see. There is one simple reason why. I don't have to watch their retarded commercials any more. I don't know if you have ever noticed this but movie commercials are on tv all the time just before the movie comes out. Then it is a rare thing to see any mention on tv after their release. For this reason, and this reason alone, I was eagerly awaiting the release of Splice. This movie looks retarded.
Now, if we can only speed along the release of the next steaming pile of movie excrement, Jonah Hex. How STUPID does this movie look? Are you kidding me? How broke is Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, and Will Arnet that they need to be in this movie? I'm not including Megan Fox in this list because I don't associate her with much talent or brains.
How does this look entertaining? I want to rip out my eyes every time this commercial comes on. So, my new most anticipated movie of the summer is Jonah Hex. Get it in the theaters so it can die quickly and I can put it our of my life.
Now, if we can only speed along the release of the next steaming pile of movie excrement, Jonah Hex. How STUPID does this movie look? Are you kidding me? How broke is Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, and Will Arnet that they need to be in this movie? I'm not including Megan Fox in this list because I don't associate her with much talent or brains.
How does this look entertaining? I want to rip out my eyes every time this commercial comes on. So, my new most anticipated movie of the summer is Jonah Hex. Get it in the theaters so it can die quickly and I can put it our of my life.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
It Sucks Being a Sports Fan
I am dying as a sports fan right now. I don't care about basketball. The NBA is a league of showboats. Football has lost a lot of its flavor and I barely follow the weak 49ers. Soccer is boring. Golf is worse.
I have two sports loves. The San Francisco Giants and the San Jose Sharks. And they are killing me. First off, the Sharks' season may end tonight because they can't find a way to beat the stinking Chicago Blackhawks in the Conference Finals. The Sharks should have won games one and three but they just couldn't . It has been so painful in past years with the Sharks going down way too early in the playoffs. This year, when everything seemed right, when we are on the doorstep of the Stanley Cup Finals, the Sharks are about to get swept out of the playoffs. Not one win so far. It is painful. We are helpless to watch as nothing goes our way. It isn't even that the Sharks are playing poorly. They just CAN"T get a win. it is so frustrating to see one goalie shut down an entire team. That's it. If Niemi or whatever his name was got the flu and missed the next four games, the Sharks would make history and come back from a 3-0 hole. This one guy is shutting us down. He is that good. It is that bad for Sharks fans. I am almost tempted to not watch, listen, follow the game tonight just because I am scared. It sucks.
Then there is the Giants. The my-pitcher-holds-the-other-team-to-one-run-and-we-still-can't-get-a-win-Giants. What has happened to the Giants. Okay, I know that the Padres have some sort of entire Giants team voodoo doll and will for some unexplained reason destroy us the rest of the year, but Arizona? And Oakland? How are we losing to these teams? Well it is simple. The Giants CAN"T HIT. How did we start the season as the BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL and turn into the 3 hits per game Giants? It isn't the pitchers. Even when they are shaky they still pitch well enough to win. With the exception of Wellemeyer who is just awful, the pitchers keep us in the game. But no one can hit. We need to drop Wellemeyer and bring up Bumgarner. Sit Molina for a while because he is tired. Lets have Buster get up in here. Anything. Put Renteria back on the DL where he belongs. Make Pablo wear his glasses so he ca see again and start to hit the ball. Clone Nate Shierholtz. HIt Rowand in the face again so he can come back and hit. Anything. The Giants need to start winning and start winning now. It is getting bad.
With both of my teams struggling I don't know what to do. I eagerly listen to all of the games and walk away sad every day. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just take up badminton.
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